The Raffle
by CakeEmperor
Summary: Equestria and Earth are now at peace... However, it is illegal for humans to go to Equestria and for ponies to go to Earth, with the exception of The Raffle. The Raffle will allow one human to live in Equestria for ten years. What if, that human never wanted to go in the first place? Even worse, he is stuck by Celestia's side 24/7...
1. Horse Politics

A/N: Yo! The Emperor of Cake here...

I'm really sorry that these updates take so long... but, It's because I use FanFiction as a BETA for Fimfiction.

So basically, if you have any ideas, issues, want to flirt with me or anything about the story, I would be so happy if you told me.

So, without further adieu, enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 1: Horse Politics**

x Classified Documentory A776 x

(Morgan Freeman Speaking)

June 5th 2047- Feburary 10th 2050, Russian scientists have found a planet, very similar to Earth and was soon named Reznov. Having the advanced technology that was not available in the past, the three super-powers, China, North America and Russia sent machines and then later, humans, to explore the planet. The planet was found to be fully inhabited by intelligent creatures as ourselves, being sapient beings, also having equine features.

Going fully against the U.N, the American and Russian soldiers opened fire upon a few of the world's local citizens, causing a war against worlds.

The war lasted for two months before the leader of the world, attempted a peace treaty with tea and muffins, approaching herself, completely unarmed.

Two years later, the treaty was signed and the alien world was ironically renamed Equestria with the exception, of it being illegal, for one to visit either world, the penalty being immediate execution.

However, the world soon went into a depression due to an overbudget of space-grade military weapons. So, Celestia agreed to hold a raffle that one human and one human only, could visit Equestria for a total ten years.

Completely uncreative with the naming of the fund-raiser, the event was soon remembered as 'The Raffle'

This, is the story of the man, who not only won the raffle, but started a revolution among humans and ponies alike. This, is the story of Jack Davidson...

_"Dude! She's a fucking horse! Why would you like her like that?!"_

_"Duh... she's an 'alien' horse... that's kinky shit! Wouldn't you want to fuck an alien?"_

_"Yeah Jack... wouldn't you want to fuck a big, mean alien like me?"_

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"Ughhhh..." I moaned, trying to block out the sound with my pillow, the weird-ass dream still engraved within my brain.

BEEP BEEP **BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

However, the most annoying sound in the world just amplified, slowly becoming louder and louder...

"FUCK IT! I'M UP!" I shouted, slamming the snooze button five times, nearly breaking the poor machine.

However, instead of doing anything, I just sat there, trying to adjust to the horrible beaming light. Slowly, my half-lidded eyes, opened, adjusting to what seemed like the sun trying to kill me, with the amount of brightness that flooded the room. Once I was done adjusting, I lazily made my way to the bathroom, to do the three S's, shit, shower and shave.

On my way to the kitchen, It was then, I heard the T.V suddenly blink on, _"The Equestrians are now are holding a raffle, to increase capital within our world. One lucky winner, will get the chan-"_

I didn't really care what the reporter had to say, so I just began to pour some cereal, blocking the reporter out. Once the oats were nearly filled to the brim, I soon shuffled my way towards my old, rugged couch, trying my hardest to keep the cereal from spilling over. Stretching my neck and yawning, I carefully sat down next to my room-mate, "Morning dude."

...

I looked over to find him drooling, asleep from playing video-games all night. Weird thing was, he still was holding the controller.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

A smaller alarm began beeping from my watch, signaling that I had to leave, "Later dude.". With that, I quickly got up, accidentally spilling cereal all over my shirt.

"Dammit!"

Not having enough time to change, I poured the rest of it into the sink, on my way out of the door.

6:15 A.M

"Man! I saw that video you sent me... why don't you just stay a DJ more... this job sucks."

Believe it or not, I was talking to my boss. You see, his father died a few years ago, leaving his son the entire business. His son, however, never takes anything seriously... which can be good and bad.

I smiled lazily, still tired, "I would be a DJ again, but the pay sucks. This job pays so much better."

My boss then gave me that stare...

_'Oh Shit...'_

"Jack... You are the hardest working person here. I mean, look at you, you work so hard that you forgot that you have a massive sperm stain on your shirt and you don't even give a damn!"

_'WHAT!?'_

I looked down, and saw the milk I spilled from earlier. I quickly yanked off my shirt, still having an under-shirt, luckily.

I mumbled in defeat, "It's milk..."

He laughed, "Well it looks like sperm! Jessie come over here!"

With his call, the girl I had a crush on for months walked over. He soon plucked the shirt from the ground, "Jessie, what is this?"

The woman, now blushing, stuttered, "S-sperm?"

_'Damn it! I just lost my chances with her...'_

My ass-boss turned back over to me and gave me that, 'I told you so' smirk, making me sigh. Sadly, he wasn't done speaking. He put on his God-Father voice and shook his finger at me, "You... your good. Your good." Soon, his voice faded back to normal, "But, look, you need a vacation... go to Florida or some shit, I really don't care. Your starting to make _me _depressed."

Knowing that it would be an un-paid vacation, my eyes bolted open, "It's ok man, I'm-"

He interrupted me, "First of all, don't talk to me like that... I'm your boss for Pete's fuck. Second of all, I'm not asking. I'll see you in a month."

7:00 A.M

_Cause you had a bad day~_

_You're taking one down..._

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around~ ssshrh_

_Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the saaaame~ sssshr_

_Say something I'm giving up on you~_

That was it, I just turned the radio off because literally every song was depressing, making me want to cry a river.

It didn't matter anyway, since I already arrived at my place. I noticed that some plants and such were knocked over near my apartment door, but I ignored it... probably being from the wind.

I luckily, only had two keys. One was for my car and the other for the door, so, it took me two seconds to find the right one. When I did, I pushed it into the key-hole and the door creaked open...

_Creeeeak..._

Putting two and two together, I realized someone probably robbed the place, so, I walked in to see the damage. As I did, I found the place to still be completely clean, at least, what me and my roommate considered clean. So, I assumed that Ryan just forgot to lock the door and I plopped down on my love-seat, throwing off my shoes and placing my keys on the coffee table.

Smiling, I began to drift off into another dreamless sleep...

_Crash!_

A moment passed until I jumped, cursing at my low-reflexes and peered around my surroundings, finding a pillow and soon held it up like a shield. Scared shitless, I tried speaking in a really deep voice, "Yo! Who in muh house?!"

... No Answer.

My breathing quickened as I stalked around the corner with the pillow, trying to find what was now making metallic clinging noises. In the corner of my eye, I saw what looked to be a horse-leg, laying on the floor. Now confused, I quickly swiveled around the corner to find an enormous, pink, plastic horse on the floor and my roommate, rummaging through the cabinets.

"Ryan, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked, only half relieved.

My friend looked up to me and gave me a determined grin, "Jack, do you know what day it is?"

I laughed to myself, remembering the Geico commercial, "Hump Day?"

He responded by smirking and then rolling his eyes, "Yes, but no... today's the My Little Pony raffle day! I bought two tickets, so that means your going."

"Alright... fine dude, thanks. I never saw one of those things in real life, it's gonna be epic!"

Ryan's smirk grew even more, "Your telling me..."

5:00 P.M or something... you don't care what time it is.

"So, what even is the raffle prize? You get to kiss Celestia's ass?"

Ryan laughed, we were both waiting in line, along with literally thousands of other people, nearly blocking out our voices completely. Men and women were camping on the outside of the line, while police seemingly guarded everyone. Other people looked bored to tears, but luckily, I had a DJ app on my phone and was trying to mix two completely different songs while talking to Ryan.

Watching me work the cross-faders, my roommate put on his best, sarcastic-seductive voice, "No... but I bet you'd want to."

Smirking, I lightly punched him in the shoulder, "Your the brony dude... what are you even gonna do with that plastic horse?"

His eyes soon lit up, scaring me slightly before he continued, "You'll see... it's gonna be awesome."

...

We stood in line some more, waiting, until I felt something tap my shoulder. Behind me, was a man wearing a black suit with a wire clipped to his ear. He looked like one of those secret service people, "You need to come with me."

My roommate looked up to us with wide-eyes and I smiled, trying to assure him... and me, "It's alright dude, I didn't do anything wrong. I'll be ba- Ow!"

A fist was suddenly slammed into my side, making me flinch. Before I could respond, a bag was jerked onto my head. Then, my world went black...

x Unknown Time x

Slowly, I woke up... smelling a strange incense, smelling much like tea leaves and acid.

I lazily lifted my head to find a white horse looking at me, bowing her head in a sad fashion, "Oh my... I didn't know your government would do that to you, I'm terribly sorry."

My eyes suddenly snapped wide-open, "Your the legendary sun horse! You- your Molestia!"

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head, "Oh no... this is not good...". With that, she began pacing, "No! No! You! Give me your raffle ticket!" With that, she yanked the slip of paper out of my pocket, seemingly with _the force _and scanned it intently, "No! You can't be the winner!"

I laughed from how she reacted, "Don't worry Molestia, I don't even want to win. I'm happy being here on Earth."

A thousand weights seemed to be lifted from her, "Oh... ok... good. Hehe, no offense, but it would best if you didn't win. By the way, my name is Celestia."

I smiled, "Non-taken, well, I'm gonna le-"

"STOP!" Out of nowhere, a weird unicorn, wearing a tux and monocle, leaped over to us, "No! If you reject the offer, there is an enormous chance of war. That would be breaking our treaty and humans are a _very_ technical species!"

For me, every word he said went inside one ear and out the other, for I was instead, trying to think of a way to escape, "...Ok."

Still nervous, the unicorn began pushing me forward, "Good! Then let's go shall we? Princess, stop standing there! You are part of the treaty too!"

In front of me, was a tent opening, along with a bright light being emitted from it. Time seemed to slow down at that moment, a mixture of Earth music and some of those weird Equestrian Instruments were playing loudly, making me sink into my own shoes. As the unicorn let me go, he opened the tent slit and what I saw, was utterly amazing. Millions, upon millions of people were in rows, both cheering and booing while I stood at the end of what seemed like a football stadium.

Massive screens were available to the crowd, showing a close-up of my face and I looked like shit, having a horrible black-eye. Now, I used to be a DJ, so usually confidence is on my side... but, this was entirely different and I soon began to sweat bullets. Behind me, was the Princess of horses, her face smiling like nothing happened back in the tent. A mic was in the middle of the stadium, so I walked over there, both ponies following me.

When I got there, the entire crowd went silent, creating billions of chills, creep down my body.

I cleared my throat and tapped the mic, "Hello..."

I was greeted by a few faint, sarcastic-laughs and coughs, so, I continued speaking into the mic,"...Shit this is scary, I'm sweating like crazy over here!"

I was surprisingly greeted by half the crowd laughing lightly, giving me encouragement... "Haha, so, it's amazing to see so many people here. Celestia is a really good per- pony and a wonderful leader and here she stands now."

More people cheered as Celestia smiled calmly. I continued and turned my head back to it's original position, by looking over the crowd, to avoid nervousness, "I also wanted to say, that I'm sorry not all of you could win, because you are all awesome people. But, please just remember, life is an obstacle course... there will always be bad... and good. The more obstacles you go over, the stronger you get, then, you will be able to be happy. Running off to another world won't make you happy, since there will be obstacles there too."

The people stayed silent as I continued, "Those, were some of the wise words my grandpa told me. He was a really good soul. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I used to be depressed and suicidal, however, he told me that I had my eyes closed. He told me, I saw something I didn't like, so, I shut it out along with the light."

Knowing I was gaining people's attention, I tried copying Celestia's calm smile, "So, my grandpa then told me, that in order to see the light again, I needed to open my eyes... and I did and found beauty within the world. This, is because day ALWAYS comes after night, but there will always be day and there will always be night, whether you like it or not."

As I finished, the entire crowd cheered and I was shaking from the amount of excitement I felt, "And here, is another wonderful soul, who cares so much about bringing day, literally _and_ metaphorically to others, please welcome, Princess Mol-uh, Celestia!"

The stadium filled with shouts of joy even though the princess was just standing there, staring at me. I laughed and gestured her to the crowd and she snapped out of it and walked over to the mic.

"... I honestly, never heard anything like that, even in my long, long life... your grandpa was a very wise man, Jack. However, without further adieu, let the ceremony begin!"

Suddenly, the music began playing again and people began rushing towards the ground, to dance and have fun.

I was about to join them, until a random force lifted me, possibly being one of those crazy horse powers that I've learned about. Alongside me, was Celestia and the same unicorn-pony with the monocle... and then two, random soldier-ponies.

Scared of the answer, I asked anyway, "Uh... monocle dude, where are we going?"

He looked up to me, gleaming, "My friend... you, are going to Equestria!"


	2. A Heart-Warming Welcoming

Song used- ('Maps' from Maroon 5)

* * *

**Chapter 2: A Heart-Warming Welcoming.**

_~I miss the taste of a sweeter life..._

_I miss the con-versation~_

_I'm searching for a song tonight..._

_I'm changing all of the stations~_

_I like to think that we had it all..._

_We drew a map to a better place~_

_But on that road, I- took a fall.._

_Oh baby why did you run-_

Suddenly, my $200 dollar head-phones were ripped from my head, cutting the music off completely, seemingly from the wind.

"What the!" I yelped, entirely from shock and responded by quickly swiveling on my feet, to stare directly, face-to-face with an evil-looking, unicorn-guard.

He glared at me, his horn shining and my headphones floating right next to his own face. The walking buzz-kill then growled, "No importing earthly items!"

I glared back, not knowing my place at the time, "Oh yeah? So I guess I have to give you all my bloody clothes too, right?"

20 minutes later...

I was now sitting, completely naked with the same guard keeping an eye on me. Angry, I rolled my eyes and asked the guard innocently, "Look, if your gay, that's one thing... but this isn't the way to try to court me."

The guard in response, just ignored me, guarding me just like a boring guard would.

Basically, this is what happened... This morning, my friend entered both of us into a raffle where one human, would 'be able' to go to Equestria for a decade...

Supposedly, I won the raffle, with the odds being 1 to 1 _billion_!

I thought the winner would at least have a good time, but nope! I was so generously 'walked' to a space-shuttle and was then, shoved in, basically treating me like a cow. They even stripped me of _all _my belongings...

I looked back over to my 'bodyguard' and smiled politely, "Butler, I would like a glass of wine please."

With that, I suddenly felt a jab of pain, make it's self noticeable as something was impaled into my side! I fell down, crouching and groaning, holding my inflicted area as it pulsed painfully.

Slowly looking up, I saw the same unicorn, now towering over me, "You pathetic human! I know what you monsters do! You come over to us, hurt us, then leave like nothing happened! I honestly hate our princess knowing she didn't let you suffer in your own debts!"

With that, he spat on the ground and scolded at me again, "Clean it up!"

Not knowing what else to do, I quickly rubbed the spit off the shuttle's floor with my arm, only to be launched back into my seat.

The unicorn went back to his position, but not before beckoning me, "You follow _my _orders _monkey_... If you even _think _you are better than the spit you just wiped off, I will wipe you off the face of the living, do you understand?!"

Not even daring to make another 'Kinky, Dominant Sex' Joke, I simply nodded, hearing a satisfied grunt, coming from the other side of the room.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long, since the shuttle was now hovering upwards, giving me the weirdest feeling in my gut. On the other side of the room, I noticed the guard strapping on a seat-belt that happened to be attached to the wall.

My eyes bolted wide-open, "Wait! I need-" I was cut off once again, after hearing a thunderous rumble. I was violently thrown upwards and heard a sickening crack of bones as my world instantly turned black...

...

My eyes lurched open, my heart seemingly pounding out of my chest as my ears were ringing painfully. Something was off, like time was missing... but I didn't care at the moment. Instead, I slowly and painfully opened my eyes. As I did, I noticed that everything around me was just a blur. I was awake now, but still in a daze, hearing muffled voices in the background.

The ringing began to die down, and I lifted my hand in front of my face, but with a very slow reaction-time. The process of my hand moving in front of my face, was like one of those old-fashioned movies, with the scenes shifting every second.

As I did, my daze began to fade away as well as the other side-effects. My eyes also, started to form the mash-up of blurs, back into one big picture. What I saw however, was absolutely terrible. Right in front of me... was so scary, and so vile, that grown men would run away from it's sight. The horrible thing hovering it's head over mine in concern, was nothing more, than Princess Celestia, "My goodness... are you alright?"

_'Of course Princess! Other than your guard trying to kill me, me being trapped on an internet-less, woman-less world for ten years and worst of all, my awesome headphones being contraband, everything's just peachy!'_

I grumbled, "Yeah..."

I looked down at myself, and noticed that I was luckily fully clothed again with my old clothes, however, my shirt and jeans had a bunch of gems and shit sowed onto them. Not caring at the moment, I began to sit up and stretch my arms and legs. The Princess in response, backed up slowly to give me some space.

I tiredly inspected the room to find a beautiful, golden light glow blissfully from the many medieval-looking windows. The floor was tiled with white marble, while the walls seemed to be made from some type of blue crystal. I knew I wasn't in Earth anymore.

A sudden drowsiness forced itself upon me, as I just realized how comfortable the bed I was laying in, was. In response, I flopped back down with a dreamy smile, every fear and issue, quickly being drained from my brain. The blankets were silky and the bed made me feel like I was floating in the sky.

The Princess giggled a horribly adorable giggle, "I see you like your bed."

I tried so hard, to make some kind of witty joke and keep my manliness but, all I could do was moan a satisfied, moan in response, "Mmmmm~"

I literally began drifting off into sleep like a mothafucking baby, but, I still had one thing on my mind, before all my fears were completely depleted, "Wait... um, Princess?"

"Hmmm?"

I questioned weakly, "W-what happened with the Guard that tried to kill me?"

Celestia's eyes soon shot open, a flame suddenly apparent in her eyes. She murmured a deathly murmur, grinding her teeth in the process "Which one...?"

-30 Minutes Later-

"Alright... Jack, which one of them hurt you?"

The Princess had literally, every, single, fucking, unicorn-guard stand in a line in front of me in one of the giant-ass rooms... probably the 'meeting' room. The only problem was, that they all looked exactly the same!

I coughed, "Umm..."

Luckily, one of the unicorns rammed through the entire crowd, shoving a few of them to the floor. Once he was out of position, the dumb-ass glared at me angrily, "Yes, it was me! But you know what? I don't care! Humans are trash and should be treated as such!"

A few of the guards cheered, and stomped their hooves on the ground. Another one spoke up, "We should keep him in the dungeon, for the remaining ten years!". A few laughs broke out as they cheered in agreement.

But, as quickly as the fire started, it began to burn out as they looked upon Celestia. She had the worst crestfallen look ever, stricken deeply into her face. After a moment of silence, she looked up to the crowd and began to speak, disappointment dripping from every word, "Why... would you hurt this living being, even when he didn't do _anything_ to harm you?"

The guard snarled and spat out every word to the princess, "His kind, killed several innocent ponies for no reason! Humans are monsters! Monsters don't deserve _respect_!"

The Princess stared deeply into the guard's eyes, making the pony calm down and retreat slightly. What I saw though, was instead of rage, it was sadness and understanding. She then walked over to the guard and spoke gently, "This being, that stands before us, is nothing but a citizen... he knows nothing about his government and he lives without direction."

The unicorn raised an ear, and the Princess raised her head a little in response, and began to smile, "This man, has no hatred in his heart... in fact, he cares deeply for everypony... though he will never show it. He only acts the way he does because of distrust. He doesn't trust us, because of _our _distrust of him..."

The guard looked to the ground, as a girly, _wimpy_, tear fell from his cheek, "...I-I'm sorry Princess..."

Celestia smiled warmly again, "I forgive you... you were only confused. Now that you know this, if you would, please go back to your positions."

Like a bloody ant-pile, the horses responded by lining up and marching to wherever.

One of the lines began marching next to me, half of them giving me death-glares, making me flinch. To make things even worse, one of them knocked right into me, shoving me to the ground. I quickly jolted up, but before I could do anything, he was back into the army of clones.

I shivered, knowing that these damn aliens wanted me dead and got up, dusting off my clothes with my hand. As I did, a piece of paper gentle fell from my shirt.

'What?'

Looking both ways for Celestia or her guards, I realized I was clear. So, I picked it up,

**_Central Intelligence Agency 34:10_**

_Hello, Jack Davidson._

_For your time remaining in the Equestrian atmosphere, you are to record everything and anything Celestia communicates, and report it._

_Evidence suggests that she plans to commit genocide on all of humanity, therefore she is not to be trusted._

_Presenting this message to any individual, that does not have a birth certificate on Earth, will be considered treasonous. Not performing this act, will also be considered treason and you will be arrested on sight._

If you agree, then please wipe your right brow within the next five minutes.

Good luck, and bless America.

I began sweating, _'Oh God... what do I do?' _Looking around the room, I tried spotting a spy or robot, or anything that would try to kill me if I didn't comply, but the room was completely empty... other than a few guards and Celestia.

Knowing I could probably be killed right here and now, I wiped my right brow and instantly felt millions of pounds of regret slam onto me.

Nothing happened, but I felt like I just sold my soul.

"Jack"

At the sound, my entire body flinched and all the blood was drained from my face. I quickly turned to greet Celestia's eyes, her muzzle smiling warmly.

She cooed, "Now that that's over with, I suppose you would like to see your room... am I correct?"

Quickly regaining my posture, I smiled back, but nervously, "Y-yeah! That would be great!"

As I spoke, Celestia gave me a concerned look, and we had the most awkward and horrible staring contest ever, while I was sweating like the sun was right next to me.

However, whatever suspicions that the Princess had, soon ceased as she started to smile again, "Then follow me, I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised."

After a while, we _finally _made it to my room... there is literally thousands and thousands of hallways and rooms and secret rooms throughout the entire castle. And Celestia knows every bloody nook and cranny...

Eventually, we made it to my room. A random golden light began to emit from my room's door knob and several clicks could be heard from inside. Then, the door gently and silently opened.

I swiveled around, back to the Princess to say goodbye. As I did, she had that same confusing poker face on, having that warm smile that was beginning to irritate me now. She looked into my eyes once again, "Jack... before you go venture into your room, is there anything you would like to tell me?"

_'Now's your bloody chance! Tell her about the note!'_

I shook my head.

Celestia slowly began to head down the hallway, but stopped and turned her head towards me, "Ok then... good night Jack, may you sleep well." A glint of anger could be seen from the corner of her eye but I shrugged it off.

I nodded to her and tried copying her poker face as well, "Yeah, Night Princess."

Casually, I strode back into the room and carefully shut the door. As soon as the door clicked, I flipped. Not even looking at my surroundings, I found a bed in the corner of the room and I flew on top of it. As soon as my body hit the bed, I blacked out.


	3. Jack Ass

**Chapter 3: Jack Ass**

...

"Ok! Here is the plan!"

I was sitting in the middle of the floor now... not even thirty minutes ago, the sun just randomly popped up. Seriously, it literally popped up, like a bloody toaster. Anyways, for some stupid-ass reason, I overslept and was now officially going crazy. To the right of me, was Mr. Soap and to the left was Doug the Tooth-Brush.

I smirked at Doug, now having the most brilliant plan ever, "Ok, Doug... what I need you to do, is be a distraction... you, sneak into Celestia's underwear drawer and scare her while me and Mr. Soap run off." However, Doug didn't seem to like my idea, for he just kept giving me the silent-treatment.

I scoffed, "Really mate?! Fine then! Me and Mr. Soap will do a totally bad-ass duo mission, while you brush horse teeth for the rest of your life!". I at least expected some kind of response, but nope, Doug just kept sitting there being a total douche-bag.

In result, I rolled my eyes and looked over at Mr. Soap, "You ready?"

"No."

I launched up, staring at the bar of soap with fear-stricken eyes, my heart also nearly bolting out of my chest. However, I was relieved when a girlish laughter soon began to flood the entire room.

"Bahahahahaha! That... was... haha! So good!"

My head snapped to attention at the source and found a bat-pony thing rolling on the floor in laughter. I tried my hardest to glare at her, but found it nearly impossible as I began to crack up too. I smiled, "Haha... yeah, you didn't see that though..."

She rolled back over onto her hooves and had a mischievous smile on her face, "Oh, but I did~ and that was so rich."

I got up from the floor and realized that my shirt stank horribly from all my sweat. So, I took it off and asked her politely, "So you don't think I'm crazy?"

She smiled warmly, but it was filled with emotion and not the stupid poker-face that Celestia had on 24/7, "Nope. By the way, I'm your new guard, Night Watch. Nice to meet you."

I rolled my eyes... '_why does Celestia think I can't protect myself?' _I smiled and shook my head, "You know, it's been a pleasure meeting you too, but I don't really need a gua-"

"Ah... I see that thou have met!"

_Another _complete random pony randomly walked into my room as well... yet this one was really different. She had a beautiful long mane that looked as if it were made of space. She also was huge like the Princess _and also_ like the Princess, she had wings and a horn. I heard my supposed guard shuffle around a little. I looked over at Night Watch, and found her bowing, while I just stood around shirtless like fucking Nacho Libre.

The pony soon spoke up again, "Our apologies, We are Princess Luna, ruler of night! Thine guard was an idea us and our sister agreed upon. She will be looking after thou for the remainder of time."

I perked up at that, knowing I didn't have a choice. Disappointed, I put on another Celestia face, "Thank you Princess... I appreciate it."

Luna actually seemed upset for a minute, "It is for the best Jack... however, we must take our leave now. Goodbye fair Jack and Night Watch."

With that she left.

And then it was just me and Night Watch...

...

"Sooo..." She said, awkwardly breaking the silence.

_'I am going to escape now... and Ryan owes me sooo much when I get back!'_

I relaxed a little, "Hey Night Watch, are you guarding me or just watching over me?"

The bat-thing flashed a fang at me for that, "Are you accusing the Princesses that they don't trust you?!"

_'That answers my question.'_

I shook my head, "Yeah... dumb question, sorry... hey I'm gonna take a shower ok?"

Night actually looked to be pondering for a while, before pressing her hoof into the floor gently, "...Ok, but hurry!"

Smirking, I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I really did smell horribly, but that wasn't important ATM. Instead, I turned the water on and looked around for anything I could use t help me escape. There was nothing! The walls were just gold and had white bricks surrounding the place. To my luck, it was all medieval shit. To make my point across, instead of a shower or bath-tub, there was just a bucket of cold-ass water and some soap.

I had an idea...

-Night Watch's POV-

He was taking forever! I was getting more annoyed every bucking second! In fact, Luna's orders were that I was supposed to be in there with him...

Feeling boiling heat run throughout my entire body in irritation, I growled, "Jack I said hurry up!"

...No Answer

'He is bucking trying to escape!'

I scolded at him, "That's bucking it! I'm coming in!" As if it were my war-cry, I launched myself into the door, tumbling it over. As I steamed, I searched for him... but he wasn't there...

Stomping around the bathroom, I saw the only place he could be... in the tub. I crept up to it, my wings raised in anticipation and my fangs bared as I glared the tub to death, preparing for an evil hairless monkey to jump out. As I crept to it, I suddenly stepped on a string and then the tub flipped over, spilling soapy water all over the floor. I fell to the ground, injuring my wing as a towel was thrown at me, clouding my vision.

-Jack's POV-

_'I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!'_

I kept shouting to myself, as I hauled-ass out of there. Luckily, my 'guard' would be slipping for a while, keeping herself busy.

In the mean time, I had to find a way out of the castle. That would be a problem though, for there were an endless amount of rooms and hallways. I rushed past the hallway that Night Watch would be in by now and found a double-door that was larger than the others.

Knowing that the guards probably knew of the stunt that I was pulling by now, I began to move at a quicker pace.

Scanning behind me, I silently opened half of the door and snuck inside. What I found, was amazing. It was a bedroom, with a giant golden and purple pillow in the middle. It also had a beautiful golden fire-place and an even more beautiful black and blue stained glass on the wall that had a shooting star on it.

Everything in the room was dim, and it was so peaceful I wanted to pass out on the pillow already. Sadly, I didn't have enough time to take a nap, so I turned and found a smaller door on the side of the room, also purple and golden, matching the room. I latched onto the door-knob and turned it to luckily find a balcony. The only problem, was that it was a balcony on a bloody tower, If I tried to jump it, it would be undeniable death.

I silently cursed to myself, staring down at the little ants who walked around buying groceries and shit. What was even worse, was that I heard shouting coming from outside whoever's bedroom this was... so, I did what any ordinary insane person would do, I climbed over the golden rail and planted my feet on the white, alien stone. Slowly I allowed myself to slide down the tower, stopping myself once in a while to slow down the sliding.

After a minute, I felt my hand burst in pain and I yelped, my hands beginning to collect pieces of jagged stone. My hands slowly began to cut open but if I let go, I would fall to my death. Instead, I clenched my mouth shut to stop myself from screaming. Luckily, I slowed my sliding just enough, that when I crash-landed to the ground, I didn't break anything. I immediately pulled my hands away and examined them deeply, seeing them shredded and bleeding. In result, I took off my shirt again and ripped it in half, tying both sides over my hands like bandages.

As soon as that was over, I wasted no time jetting over to one of the walls in front of me and climbed over it, landed on the other side. My shoes tapped stone. I slowly looked up to see my surroundings and what I saw, was amazing. Everywhere I looked, was city. There weren't any flashing lights and such, it was more like a medieval version of Las Vegas. Shops surrounded the place, ponies walking everywhere, all wearing weird shit like the Capital people in the Hunger Games.

Some of them ignored me completely and others would stare at me with fear.

However, one pony stared at me with what seemed like anger. He began to casually stride over to me, his eyes fixed on me. I turned around to run away casually but was stopped as another pony suddenly appeared right in front of me.

He snarled at me, "You are in big fucking trouble Jack!"

Next thing I knew, my world went black...

...

I began to wake up...

As I opened my eyes, I saw nothing but darkness...however, I wasn't dreaming. I tried moving my arms, but they were restricted, as well as my legs... I began to go into panic mode, "Bloody hell! Someone please help me!". I was seriously afraid that a T.V would pop up and then some puppet would tell me in a deep-voice, _"I want to play a game." _

But what I got instead, was equally disturbing. A human in a wheel-chair suddenly left the darkness to look me in the eye. I'm not kidding, an _actual_ human! In Equestria! '_What is going on?!;_

He glared at me and spoke in a Northern American accent, "Do you know what you did boy?"

It was then, that I knew what this was... it was the U.N. I frowned, "Yes..."

Still glaring at me he snapped, "Then why did you do it?! What you _did _Davidson, could have caused another war of worlds! Earth could be destroyed!" I suddenly felt stupid. I thought that the 'Humans watching me in Equestria' bit was actually a bluff. That's why I planned escape in the first place.

His glare turned into a saddened look... when he pulled out a mother-fucking revolver! My eyes darted open as I struggled, the bands cutting into my skin slightly. Luckily, all he did was put it on a small table beside us.

He asked me calmly, "Davidson... if I release you, will you run?"

I shook my head and he took off all my bands but not before looking to me, "Jack, do you know what Celestia does to humans?"

Shaking my head again, he continued, "Celestia is a terrorist Jack. She hates humans, that is why she doesn't trust you."

This got my attention as I cocked an eyebrow. The man hunched his back and placed his chin into his hand, "Every pony that was supposedly killed by the humans, was actually by killed by Celestia Jack. She needs a reason to rile up her Guards. You know why she has that guard follow you around Jack? She is actually studying you... studying our weaknesses, wanting to figure out how to destroy us since they failed all those years ago. That is why there is a Raffle Jack, that is why there is a treaty!"

My heart leaped at that, but I just stayed silent. Only seconds later, several lights snapped on and I saw my surroundings. I was in a radio-base or something. But the only creatures inside was me, the man and three ponies working at the machines.

One of the ponies randomly jumped out of his seat and walked up to the old man, "Sir, we found that if Davidson could be caught just taking a walk in the Royal Garden, then there is still a possibility that the Equestrian forces can trust him."

The wheel-chair man conjured a cheeky grin, "Brilliant! Davidson... can I count on you?"

I got up and shook his hand, smiling in the process, "Yes Sir, I can handle it." Right after I said the last word, a black cloth was yanked on top of my head.

... 20 Minutes Later

Soon, I crashed into the ground. I was probably hurt even more than I was originally, but I didn't care at the moment. I heard the shuffling of hooves walk away from me and I just laid there, feeling grass and dirt underneath me. Having enough of that, I pulled off the blind and took in the garden. It was beautiful, romantic even. Unusual plants and flowers littered the area. Unfortunately, all f as I felt something hard and flat slam into my face, knocking me over.

I tried sitting up, but was blocked as a familiar bat-pony stood over me, baring her fangs like a mad man. She snarled, "Your under arrest primate!".


End file.
